What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 01:40
Was to survive, this bastard.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So whats the point in blame.
I was 9 years of age.
What do you respect the most about Elon Musk?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im still living with it.
Where can I sell naked pics of myself online?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
How do you get a teenage boy to care about hygiene?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
How do you handle family members who ask for handouts?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I have no regrets .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
What is unattractive about a nice guy? Why do some women don’t choose nice guys?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why did i forgive my father ?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He resisted the act ,that day.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But, we were locked up after school.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i do to all so called friends.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He knew the spot.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
One cannot live in the past .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And i lived it daily.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was very sick at this time too.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She was in good health!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
This is soul school!.
Who then, do I blame.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She wouldn,t have been !
I said to her
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I think the readers, may guess!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
When she asked me how she looked .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
What did i know ?
She found it foreign!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I write beautiful poetry .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My life is so biszare .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Comes on , in middle age.
Especially a lifetime of it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But it wasn’t much.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So, i spoilt her more .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Ive learnt so much.
She loved him until the end.
All the time i was locked up.
Put me off passion for life!!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I don,t even have a pension.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But ive been too sick for many years..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My family never makes their pension either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I waited trembling.
Would this be the day?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was scared of men, in general
We were not on the streets..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was seconnd youngest,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We all went to grammer schools
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She married twice! .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I will be 64.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.